Over the past week and a half I think I have felt the same as the rest of you. Dazed, Confused, Lost, Different, Happy, Sad, Worried. (In Need of Some Direction) Certainly I came back from the trip in a little different condition than the rest of you in that I not only brought back with me an emotional marking but I had the privilege of bringing back a physical marking as well. During the past week I think I have certainly come to understand something very ironic about the emotional and physical markings and what ultimately happens with both. There is a healing process. And when the healing is complete we are left with a scar.
What does the scar mean and how does it affect the rest of our lives? I have no answers but I do have some thoughts as I make some comparisons and find commonality between the specific emotional and physical scars I brought back with me.
I am not the same as I was before I left to go
I have a constant reminder of where I have been and what I endured
Sometimes it does not look pretty
The pain is more emotional that physical
Do I want others to see it or should I not bother them with it
Do others see it and if they do what do they think
Do they understand or does it scare them
Should we hide it or expose it
Should I look at it or pretend it is not there
Should I talk about it with others or just deal with it without involving others
Why me and can I honestly deal with this
What can I do to make it better or make it go away
One other ironic thing that I have found during this past week in a half is the similarities between the emotional and the physical marking that are healing as we speak that will scar us each uniquely. In order to see the scar I have to look in the mirror, and when I do, it appears. Is it good or is it bad. I think it is a matter of prospective. It is good because I know I am alive and I have a Savior that can change me. It is bad only if we choose to focus solely on the SCAR.
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